Manual of Style

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 15:51:45 GMT

Sex has never been fun for me.
It has been obligation.
I really want to find someone it can be fun with.

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 15:51:28 GMT

As a little girl, dress-up was my alternate reality.
Anything was possible.
I was a Spice Girl or a princess.
I was a farmer or a bride.
I miss the days when anything was possible.
In those days, life was more simple.

Sat, 07 Feb 2009 03:22:29 GMT

If I had a dollar for every time I did what my heart told me to,
I would have the same amount of money that I actually have now.
None.

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 12:35:58 GMT

The therapist says that I am holding onto something that is perhaps not worth holding onto.
She is right. My life right now is a round-about of obligation and resentment.
There is love, but there are times when love cannot out-weigh the other burdens on the relationship.

Thu, 05 Feb 2009 05:58:40 GMT

All I want, is for everything to be perfect. I want to wake up in the morning and think "Today is going to be a good day."
I want to be able to have sex without wondering whether he is wishing I had a penis.
I want to believe he would want to be with me, even if we did not have a child together.
Wishful thinking.

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 20:35:06 GMT

Sometimes I wonder how long I will be able to last like this.
I wonder how long it will take me to snap.
I wonder why I don't just leave, and end the hurt.
I wonder why I can't leave.
I wonder why I can't let go.
And then other times, I wonder why I would want to.

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 06:13:53 GMT

You take my heart out of my chest, spit on it, throw it on the floor, stomp on it and then put it back in my chest.
We go to bed.
You repeat the next day.

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 06:09:32 GMT

I am relieved for the moment, but mostly I am afraid for the future.

Sun, 01 Feb 2009 00:00:57 GMT

It is not good for me, and yet I continue to do it.
I have always worn my sins on my sleeves and my faults on my heart.
I had premarital sex.
I bite my nails.
I got pregnant.
I am unemployed.
I enjoy Maury and the moment where he says "You are NOT the father."
Bad person?
Maybe.
I can't help it.
I wear my sins on my sleeve and my faults on my heart.

Sat, 31 Jan 2009 23:56:12 GMT

I want to find someone I can grow old with.
Someone who will still make love to me when I am 80.
Someone that knows the worst thing I have ever done, and still loves me in spite of it.
Someone that cares as much for me as I care for him.
Someone who isn't too nice, that is just creepy.
Someone who I am able to have an intellegent conversation with.
Someone I would never get sick of.
I want to find someone that will be my other half.

Sat, 31 Jan 2009 13:37:18 GMT

If I bottled what I am feeling right now, wrapped it up with a pretty bow and tried to sell it, nobody would want to buy it.

Sat, 31 Jan 2009 05:01:26 GMT

I don't want everything,
just you.

Sat, 31 Jan 2009 02:24:09 GMT

You know things are bad when you resort to avoidance to solve your major problems.
Avoiding telling people things they need to know.
Avoiding hurting those you care about.
Avoiding important paperwork.
Avoiding social interaction.
Avoiding life.

Avoidance is bliss?

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 19:51:10 GMT

I would love to be a princess for a day.

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 18:08:11 GMT

A Transsexual Goddess Named Jen
Her eyes are piercingly lovely, the kind that always look as though they are staring intensely.
Her legs are perfectly constructed and toned. Complimented by her black fishnets and heels, they are irresistible.
Her sexy curves invite men in and seduce them with her short, smooth and precise movements.
She's the kind of woman that wants to be dominated, told what to do and made to do it.
The nape of her neck is virgin, as though it is longing for its first expression of love
but her body seems experienced in all things sexual and dirty.
Her fair is flowing and dark, the kind you could get lost in at night.
As you glance over her though, there is something a little off.
With all her perfection, I am one thing that she is not. A woman.

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 17:53:58 GMT

Today, I need to do some major chores.
    It is probably a good thing for me because I spend too much time doing very little. My brain cells are slowly dying due to lack of stimulation. I spend probably 75% of my time with a 5 month old.
    Laundry to be done, research for my essay, restoring two slow and largely unusable computers and driving to the hardware store to get supplies to pimp out the bunny cages. I also would like to read to the baby, the doctor said today that he is advanced beyond his age because he is rolling over and teething before many at 5 months.
    I need to get out of my apartment. I feel as though I am suffocating here.

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 17:21:20 GMT

Sometimes, I feel so strangled.

The life I lead is choking me and I have no way of escaping its grip. I experience an endless set of trials that I can never seem to pass with flying colors.

My heart will not allow me to do what I know needs to be done, hurt others to save myself. Strange concept that concience. Without it, life would be so much easier. To make each decision because it is what is best for you and not because it is the decision that will hurt the least amount of people. I am tired of worrying about the collateral damage.